tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68915305838271128132024-02-08T04:23:19.873-08:00Prawn Free LembitJames Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-39493245118828397302010-03-21T09:30:00.000-07:002010-03-21T09:32:33.641-07:00Anna was porn for the jobFriday, March 19, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WITH the General Election looming, people are looking at candidates hoping to become MPs. One Lib Dem candidate, Anna Arrowsmith, who’s standing in Gravesham, Kent, has been getting extra attention because of her old job as a porn director. Arty Anna used to produce and direct blue movies for her own company, Easy On The Eye Productions. People have been giving her stick over this, as if shooting feisty flicks will make her a bad MP. Really? Anna has proved herself to be a great candidate who cares about her community. That’s what matters. What do people think she is going to do? Bring Pamela Anderson into parliament to shoot a film called Under The Speaker’s Robe or The Honourable Member? Of course not. She’s a highly-qualified and motivated lady who’d easily her hold her own in the Commons. Her opponent, Tory MP Adam Holloway, has been very fair and says people shouldn’t judge Anna on her previous job. What a sensible chap. Top marks Ads. All that remains to be said is “good luck Anna”. I think I speak on behalf of all Daily Sport readers when I say you’ve got our vote.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">I’M not over keen on conferences but last weekend I went to the Liberal Democrat gathering in Birmingham anyways. The high point is always supposed to be the leader’s speech. In political conferences, everyone has to give a standing ovation at the end of it, even if it’s crap. However, I’m happy to report leader Nick Clegg delivered the goods. You know me: I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it, because I’m straight with you in this column about my views. But, really, he did do a good job — it’s probably the best speech I’ve seen him do. And I rather liked the idea of giving everyone the first £10,000 we earn tax free. All in all, it was a bit like Mel Gibson’s famous speech in Braveheart — except at the end nobody cut him up into little pieces as he cried “FREEEEDOM!” So well done, Nicko, you’re a good ’un. I also caught up with our party President Ros Scott. A couple of years ago she beat me in an internal election for this post, and I spent time being grumpy about that. But I must admit she’s doing well. The President’s role is to whip all our party activists into shape, and she is. So, for once, I’m one happy “Lib Dem Lem.” Long live Cleggie! Viva El Presidente! I’m actually on side for once — what a refreshing change!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE was panic in the Eastern European nation of Georgia last Sunday. Apparently, a fake TV news report fooled people into thinking Russia had invaded and their president killed! Thousands rushed into the streets in terror and mobile phone networks went down. It was hours before it became clear the dodgy report was a “simulation” intended to show what would happen if the president really was taken out by Putin and his pals. It’s hardly surprising people panicked! It was only in 2008 when Russia really did invade. That time tanks came within 30 miles of the capital, Tbilisi. Perhaps the TV guys should stick to You’ve Been Framed, as You’re Being Invaded just doesn’t seem to half as popular!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE other day I met a bloke you may have heard of: Neil Armstrong. You know, the first man on the Moon? That’s right—thanks to the American Embassy and a bunch of intellectuals at the Royal Society, I rubbed shoulders with one of Mankind’s greatest heroes. For a man who’s walked on the Moon, Neil’s surprisingly down-to-earth. He’s a friendly fella and boy did he have good stories to tell. One thing did get people at the event wound up though —President Barack Obama’s decision to cancel new Moon missions. He’s pretty much written off any chance of there being another American on the Moon for decades. It’ll probably be Chinese who next follow in Neil’s footsteps —before going on to Mars. It’s a real shame, because the Moon landings inspired a whole generation and led to huge leaps forward in technology. I can still remember the excitement and anticipation around those first missions. I’m with the spacemen on this one — our refusal to go to the Moon is one small step back for man, one giant leap back for Mankind. </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE are many hazards to being an MP — long hours, late nights, random strangers yelling about things that aren’t your fault and . . . erm . . . being covered in fizzy water. That’s what happened to me on train to mid- Wales at the weekend. A fellow calling himself Martin Palmer sat down opposite me. Unfortunately his water was all shook up. When he opened it, about a million litres of frothing water drenched me to the skin . . . well, OK, a few drops anyway. He was very apologetic. But his watery moment of madness did little harm . . . after all, the last thing anyone could ever accuse me of is being a “wet politician!”</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-30956327279732043752010-03-21T09:29:00.001-07:002010-03-21T09:29:58.433-07:00Tory talk is doing Britain downFriday, March 12, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">NOW I do like David Cameron – he’s a decent fellow. But Dangerous Dave & Co have been getting stick this week for trying to whip up a national panic in the run-up to the General Election. The Torynauts have been telling folk there will be an “economic meltdown” if they don’t win, and that folks who value their jobs should be voting for them.Hmmm, I can see a few problems here. Firstly,the recession was a worldwide matter, not a party political thing. And secondly, the Tories don’t have a great record on the economy themselves! More mature Daily Sport readers will remember Margaret Thatcher’s stint in office when over three million were on the dole. She makes the current PM look like an economic genius! If that’s not bad enough, these doom-mongering prophecies about another potential economic collapse are actually scaring off investors and hurting our economy here and now. And that means what the Tories are saying while not in government is harming us already – that’s quite a trick. I’m no great fan of Labour’s economic record and I reckon Lib Dem money man Vince Cable would do better. But I try to be fair to everyone in this column, and I offer some advice in good faith to Conservative HQ: “Put a sock in it!” If they want to spread panic, why not just say that if the Tories lose we’ll be destroyed by an asteroid – or eaten by Godzilla. They’re also unsupported speculations, but it’s much better than talking Britain down.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">MPs often go to conferences. But last Saturday at Birmingham Town Hall I went to a convention with a difference —Fairport Convention. This iconic folk band has been going for four decades, and happen to be pals of mine. Compared to the ready-mix music of the X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent, Fairport prove we still have world class musicians. The band’s an inspiration — and has been since the 1960s. When they started, the Cold War was still going, Radio 1 didn’t exist, Alec Douglas- Home was Prime Minister, Celtic were champions of Europe, I was two years old, and Raquel Welch was the world’s pin-up . Fairport Convention — and Raquel Welch—we salute you! If more political conventions were like Fairport, there’d be more harmony and less anarchy in the UK. A nicer kind of politics. Two great things happened this week. Firstly, when I was massively delayed getting to a school conference, the delightfully decent Tory Damian Green MP, moved his diary around to stand in for me. Thanks, mate. If you live in Damian’s area, shake his hand and tell him he rocks. He’ll be surprised - but he’ll like it. Secondly, on Tuesday I chaired a schools debate in Parliament and the standard was exceptional. Top marks to speakers Riche Talabi, Aminat Adebayo, Jennifer Labwo, Eleftheria Varouhakis, Ian Hall and Catherine Saunders. But congratulations to young Rabi Niam, who won the debate by a cat’s whisker. It was a pleasure to meet you all. Dazzling Damian’s decency and the super-duper school debaters are a credit to democracy. Thanks for jazzing up my week guys.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LAST week there was a big demo outside Parliament, against dodgy Dutch MP Geert Wilders who turned up at the House of Lords to show his “film”. Unlike The Hurt Locker or Avatar, gruesome Geert’s film Fitma will never win an Oscar. It’s about how evil and nasty Muslims are and not surprisingly, this made many people go mental about him. When little Geertie arrived at Parliament, he was greeted by members of an equally curious bunch calling themselves the English Defence League. They think he’s good and want him to stay in England. Meanwhile,on the other side of the road anti-facists protested against Geertie boy. They stuck around for hours to shout and jeer him. Now, dear reader, you’re sensible. I doubt you lose sleep “worrying” about Muslims. So we should let Geertie show his film, then people can see what nonsense he’s on about. As for “foreigners?” someone might want to tell people who don’t like British Muslims that most are far more, er, BRITISH than wacky Wilders!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THOUSANDS of Swiss folk voted this week in a referendum about a very odd topic. The proposal was a new law allowing animals to be represented in court, with lawyers supplied by taxpayers!! If it was April Fool’s Day, you’d think I was yanking your lead. But this proposal was REAL! As it happens, the animal lovers lost the vote by about 70% to 30%. But if they’d won we would have seen some very interesting cases in the Swiss courts. Just imagine being sued by your guinea pig because you forgot to clean his hutch. Or being taken to the cleaners by your dog because you haven’t been taking him for “walkies” enough. And what would happen when a cat had a feast in the neighbour’s fish pond . . . could we see a murder trial? Switzerland has some very good laws to look after our furry, feathery and fishy pals. But if you think pets deserve state-appointed lawyers, you must be barking!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-56772927807136363352010-02-28T03:12:00.000-08:002010-02-28T03:13:05.784-08:00No more Argy-bargyFriday, February 26, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IF there’s one thing that comes between England and Argentina more than football, it’s the Falklands. The little islands, home to 3,000 plucky British folk, have always been claimed by Argentina. You may remember their invasionin 1982 which cost many British and Argentinian lives. Times have changed. But tensions soared again when a British oil company began drilling near the islands. The Argentinian government saw this as theft of their natural resources and issued angry statements telling the Brits to back off. Then a bunch of Latin American countries including Venezuela, Nicaragua and Mexico, came out for Argentina and said Britain should stop drilling and leave the Falklands completely!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div align="center"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">Protect</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">British Defence Minister Bill Rammell has said the UK will take “whatever steps necessary” to protect the Falklands and Tories are calling for more navy vessels to be sent out there. Great. Let’s NOT have another war, PLEASE. Not many people know this, but the BBC TV show Celebrity Wipe Out is filmed in Argentina. Maybe we could get ministers from both governments to have a go at that to sort it out instead. It’s certainly a damn sight less insane than another war.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE’VE been rumours flying around about Gordon Brown and alleged bullying at Downing Street. Some ma’am called Christine Pratt (who runs the National Bullying Helpine) has been shooting her mouth off about staff from No 10 apparently feeling intimidated by their BOSS. She reckons Brown’s a bully. Really? I’ve always found Gordon to be a nice bloke in person. I just don’t buy the bullying thing. While bullying is bad in any workplace, reports should always be investigated quickly, fairly and thoroughly. But hanging him out to dry over some gossipy accusations seems nothing short of ludicrous. Those saying Gordo is a bully need to back up their claims with evidence. Instead, they’ve jumped on the bandwagon and kicked him about — just like bullies. But what isn’t acceptable is the head of an anti-bullying charity breaching professional privacy and spilling beans on what must have been private conversations. This Mrs Pratt has done exactly what bullies do – breached confidences and caused embarrassment and distress to others by shooting her mouth off in public. Whatever you think of Gordo, the one bully who should get the boot is her.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">A LITTLE birdie told me my chums over at Conservative HQ have started buying the Daily Sport. Hurrah! It’s good to know “Camers & Co” have finally come over to the home of common sense. “Off-the-record,” I’m informed their conversion to the Sport is partly thanks to this very column. Apparently, Tory Towers have fallen in love with my musings each Friday. So here’s a big shout out to all the good folk working at Con HQ. Good on you boys! Whatever our political differences, it’s good we share the same GRRR-EAT! taste in the only paper you can trust. And if Dangerous Dave ends up as Prime Minister, maybe I can get an exclusive interview? That would be a winning formula for everyone. After all, there’s no better way on earth to get your political “meat and two veg” — with a bit of sauce!<br /></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">UFO lovers got a treat this week when 24 top secret files, detailing close encounters, were released by the Ministry of Defence. The 6,000 pages shed some light on hundreds of sightings and investigations up and down Britain between 1994 and 2000. One of the most interesting sections was a report on a UFO seen hovering over the home of Tory MP Michael Howard! It seems a Scottish electrician spotted a triangle-shaped craft floating above Michael’s home for 40 minutes before flying off. He reported it to the MoD, who promptly collected all the details – including a diagram – and put it in their top secret archives. Was it really the mothership coming to do an alien abduction on Mr Howard and his Tory chums? Had the Scottish sparky had a few too many down the pub? Or could it be that the Labour Party paid Martians to kidnap the Tory top brass until after the General Election? If so, maybe Dangerous Dave can ask the little green men where Daily Sport stunna Janine McKee comes from. After all, it’s perfectly obvious she’s out of this world!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">POLITICS in Northern Ireland got a blast from the past on Monday night when a huge car bomb exploded outside a court house in Newry. Coppers reckon the bomb, heard two miles away, was planted by rebel republicans. They want Northern Ireland to be united with the south. It’s a miracle no-one died. In the 70s and 80s bombs went off all the time and thousands were killed. The good news is things are different today. Most leaders, from both sides, are working with their enemies of yesteryear sorting out differences without bullets and bombs. Rebel groups now have little support. Politicians and citizens condemned it as cowardly, pointless and misguided. Violent groups are still around. But the province has turned a corner — and the people have made it clear they’re NEVER going back.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-66022007609719727212010-02-19T09:34:00.003-08:002010-02-19T09:34:47.751-08:00Whale we never get it right?Friday, February 19, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IT’S that time of year again for a load of argy- bargy over the nasty practice of whaling. The Japanese fleet is currently on its annual hunt, sailing around the Antarctic looking to bump off Free Willy and his pals. And a bunch of activists from the group Sea Shepherd have been chasing them around, trying to save our giant friends. This year’s Whale War has been the roughest yet. The whaling fleet, which is backed by the Japanese government,has so far managed to sink one of the Sea Shepherd boats and kidnap a crew member. In response the eco-warriors have been using giant water cannons, speedboats and even a helicopter to harass the whaling vessels. Meanwhile, back in Japan, activists from the environmental group Greenpeace have been put on trial for trying to expose the truth behind the country’s whalemeat industry. Sadly, in the face of all this opposition, the government of Japan seems determined to carry on whaling. Personally, I think it’s cruel, irresponsible and totally unnecessary. Whales are intelligent creatures that are now sadly on the verge of becoming extinct. Sooner or later the whaling will stop. I just hope it’s because of pressure from activists, not because there aren’t any whales left to kill.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">A FIERY Aussie politician by the name of Pauline Hanson will be packing her bags, saying goodbye to the “land-down-under” and emigrating to the UK this week. “So what?” I hear you cry! Well, the move has raised a few eyebrows because paranoid Pauline spent her whole political career campaigning against immigration. Back in the 90s she set up a die-hard nationalist party called “One Nation” and kicked up a huge stink about any “foreigners” moving to Australia. That makes it kind of ironic that she’s about to become an immigrant herself! Still, she never did do irony too well. “One Nation” claimed to be “defending Australian culture” from African and Asian people, overlooking the minor fact that the real native Australians were aborigines who had their culture destroyed by European settlers — Ms. Hanson’s ancestors. Perhaps she’s realised this and is returning to the UK to give Australia back to the aborigines. But somehow, I doubt it. It’s more likely that she’s just a hypocrite.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">HOW much do you love politics? Obviously enough to read my column, but would you go as far as holding your wedding in Parliament? Within the next few weeks bookings will open for the first time and twenty lucky couples each year will be able to say “I do” and get hitched at the heart of British politics! It’s part of a scheme by my buddy, Speaker John Bercow, to make Parliament more open to the public. The first ceremony will be a Civil Partnership between Labour’s rising-star Chris Bryant and his boyfriend this May. Fair play to him—but isn’t getting married at the place you work a little over-keen? How many folk would want to spend their wedding day in the office, on the building site or in the supermarket? Still, I wish boisterous Bryant all many happy returns for his Big Day and hope that the service doesn’t get interrupted by a vote or something. As for any of you lot who fancy tying the knot with your better half — I recommend booking the Members Dining Room. It’s the better of the two venues available, with a smashing view of the Thames, and at eighty quid it’s a steal! Besides, last time my pal Keri Parker was here she loved the place —so if any Sport readers are thinking about trying their luck with the lovely Keri, the prospect of a parliamentary wedding might be a real turn-on. Just don’t tell any jokes about the members’ entrance and you might have a chance!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE were red faces in the Conservative party last weekend when one of their dodgy dossiers declared that in Britain’s poorest areas “54%” of under-18s are pregnant. The actual figure is 5.4%. But some Tory numpty missed out the decimal point, leaving the report telling a very different story and putting Dangerous Dave Cameron & Co on the statistical back foot! You’d think that the party officials responsible for checking the document would have twigged that, tough things may be in deprived areas, the majority of teenagers are not preggers. I mean, if you think about it, for 54% of them to be pregnant,someof theboys would have to be up-the-duff too! What’s even worse than the original cock-up is that the Tories are now defending their mistake! One spokesman said that the error “made no difference” to the report. Really? So if we offered them a 5.4% pay-cut or a 54% paycut they wouldn’t care? Or if the Tories lose 5.4% of their votes or 54% of their votes at the next election that wouldn’t change anything? These Tory Boys want us to put them in charge of the economy. On the basis of this little tale,that idea has just got 54% more worrying.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-53210463859393708152010-02-19T09:34:00.001-08:002010-02-19T09:34:18.200-08:00Brown is looking in the pinkFriday, February 12, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IT’S beginning to look like the understated and sometimes grumpy looking giant—also known as Gordon Brown—is beginning to limber up to the challenging task of trying to win the next election after all. In a spirited performance in Prime Minister’s Questions on Wednesday, Flash Gordon took on Dangerous Dave and, in my view at least, actually did a rather better job. It wasn’t so much the content of what he was saying. Frankly, half the time Prime Minister’s Questions is about as informative as an edition of Celebrity Wife Swap. But you can tell how people are feeling about themselves by how they come across. And, by the looks of it, Gordy’s beginning to feel a bit more like winning. On the other hand, I have to confess that my own boss man, Nick Clegg, also had a better day. He sounded rather statesmanlike, which made me happy. When he does well, it’s good news for my OWN chances of re-election! However, the less pretty thing about PMQ’s was the huge amount of shouting and jeering. If you made THAT much noise in a pub, you’d get arrested. Unfortunately, some of the other MPs seem to think it’s a “good look” and acted as if they’re extras on Men Behaving Badly. So, a good day for the leaders. But as for the general behaviour of the House, if this is the best we can do, it might be time for the “Mother of Parliaments” to sack the Speaker and employ a nanny instead. I suppose that’s what they mean by a “Nanny State”.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Sign of the times</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ON Tuesday Tory leader David Cameron proposed a bold new addition to British politics. He reckons if a petition can collect 10,000 signatures it should be debated in the House of Commons. And if it gets 1,000,000 signatures, its organisers should have the right to draft a law which MPs will vote on. It’s a step up on Labour’s scheme, which introduced an online service to create petitions to the Prime Minister. Although Gordo reads and responds to the ones with most signatures, at the moment they don’t have any formal power and usually end up as being in the government’s “so what” out-tray. But if Dave and chums win the election and go ahead with their petition plan we’re likely to end up with some pretty odd debates. After all, it’s worth remembering that over 10,000 people — including my oddball staff member “Wild Bill” Bruton — recorded their faith as “Jedi” at the last Census. And loads of folks believe UFOs have landed on earth. It also means if the 1.1 million people who read the Daily Sport signed a petition for a law which made Sport stunna Bailey the Prime Minister to make PMQs more attractive, Cameron’s OWN policy would get him fired! Dangerous Dave might think again.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WE always hear the bad news about our society. So here’s a good news story about an upstanding citizen who Did The Right Thing when it mattered. There’s a fellow called Dan Mardell who knows a thing or two about computers. A few weeks ago, he came across my phone in rather “questionable circumstances,” after I’d accidentally dropped it on the road. Someone else picked it up and, without putting too fine point on it, decided to take the phone with him and show it to other people, instead of catching me up or handing it in. Unfortunately for that chappie, Dan’s honest and happens to go out with a police officer. I had my phone back by the end of the day. Dan’s assistance reunited me with the said device in a most fortunate and helpful manner. Thanks Dan, you’re a hero. And to the person who could have given me the phone back in the first place when he saw me drop it: next time, don’t be a plonker — hand it in!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">MOST cigar-lovers are prepared to splash out a bit of cash for a decent puff. But few would be willing to shell out £4,500 for a half-smoked dog end. But that’s exactly what one collector did this week! But this cigar end was very special. Its previous owner was none other than Winston Churchill. He’d been having a quick smoke before sitting down to plan the defence of the Free World - but didn’t get a chance to finish his whole cigar. A Downing Street worker picked up what was left as a souvenir! Auctioneers expected the famous fag to fetch around 300 quid. They were taken by surprise when it went for over 10 times that amount. I’m sure Winston would have been pleased too. A couple of years ago a bottle of bubbly belonging to a certain Mister Hitler only fetched a few hundred at auction.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-51633059616009111662010-02-19T09:32:00.000-08:002010-02-19T09:33:49.051-08:00I'd snub Blair againSaturday, February 06, 2010 by Daily Sport. <hr style="color: WhiteSmoke; height: 1px; width: 100%;" size="1"><br /> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">DID you watch any of Blair’s appearance at the Iraq inquiry? The former PM faced a gruelling six-hour session. During that time he was questioned about everything from his relationship with George Bush to his feelings on Saddam Hussein. Tricky Tony answered in a calm and composed way before wrapping up by declaring that he had NO regrets about going to war and that he’d do it again. Woah,that’s controversial stuff Mr Blair, especially since nearly 200 British soldiers and over 90,000 Iraqi civilians died in the conflict. Still, you’ve got to give it to Tony, he’s stuck to his principles. He hasn’t backed down or tried to pass the buck to someone else.He just continues to declare that Saddam would have posed a massive threat to world peace and was a “monster” who needed to be removed. Shame none of the evidence shows he had ANY weapons of mass destruction. At all. I say the war was a mistake. I voted against it back in 2003 and I’d do that again. No one denies Saddam was a bad bugger. But there were better ways of dealing with him than following bumbling Bush with troops, tanks and no plan for what to do after we’d toppled the dodgy dictator. Despite the good things he did, Tony will always be remembered for the UK’s biggest foreign policy cock-up in the late 20th century. The focus now should be on the future. We should make sure Iraq has the support it needs to rebuild. Then maybe we can start to make amends for these colossal and deadly blunders.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">SPACE lovers the world over were gutted last week when President Barack Obama pulled the plug on the US “Constellation” space programme. The project – launched by George W Bush in 2003 – aimed to put men back on the moon by 2020 and kick-start the space race to Mars. But the new President didn’t like the way things were going over at NASA and canned Constellation even though more than five billion dollars had already been spent on it! Obama now wants private companies to step in. That means instead of shuttles being launched by NASA, who have an imperfect but reasonable record stretching back decades, we could see the likes of “EasyShuttle” and “Ryanspace” launching folk into orbit. I like Obama but he’s made the wrong call here. This century will almost certainly see humans on Mars, developments at the international space station and an exciting space race with China. But it won’t be a contest if the US government isn’t prepared to go all the way with big-deal projects. Cancelling Constellation is a real blow to space exploration, but there may be a final twist in the tale. A group of courageous Congressmen are getting together to try to save the programme by scuppering Obama’s plans. If they get enough support he may have a real fight on his hands and the Leader of the Free World may end up saying: “Houston, I have a problem!” And unless he does change his mind, I bet the next moon visitors will be chewing chow mein instead of biting into a Burger King. As defeats go, that would be a Double Whopper... with cheese!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ON Tuesday US firm Kraft finally completed its long-expected takeover of Cadbury. This kicked off a whole heap of controversy for a ton of reasons. First off, a lot of folk see Cadbury as a great British institution that should stay in British hands, instead of some US multinational. Secondly, some are saying Britain should recover from recession by investing in its companies and not flogging them off. And most importantly, workers worry their jobs will be axed to pay off Kraft’s massive debts. I’m inclined to agree with these concerns. It’s important to let businesses make their own business decisions, but will Kraft really do Cadbury any favours? The government should make sure the jobs are safe and Kraft should make sure they respect what Cadbury means to Britain. For a lot of people Cadbury is about far more than Wispas, Crunchies and Dairy Milk, it’s about history, pride and a lot of people’s livelihoods. It may be about<br />sweets,but the takeover stands to leave a very bitter taste.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ARGENTINEAN President Cristina Fernandez found a novel way of boosting her country’s pork industry this week – by claiming that it is better for your sex life than Viagra! Cheeky Cristina floated her theory at a meeting of major pig farmers and even revealed that she and her husband had enjoyed a particularly raunchy weekend after eating a lot of pork. Argies are the world’s biggest consumers of beef so their pork industry often suffers as a result.A lot of folk reckon that the president’s idea will now give it a much needed lift. I guess the only losers are those in the Viagra industry who will probably suffer when everyone starts switching to pork chops. But we all know that the situation would be a lot different if you could buy the Daily Sport in Argentina. When it comes to waking up next to Hannah Owens versus a bacon sandwich, which would you prefer?</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-15763194567496613912010-02-02T02:11:00.000-08:002010-02-02T02:19:44.803-08:00Happy-clappy Lembit applauds his new relationship with GodFrom the <a href="http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2010/02/01/happy-clappy-lembit-applauds-his-new-relationship-with-god-91466-25730054/">Western Mail</a>:<br /><br /><p></p><blockquote><p>HE has been characterised as much for his relationships with pop stars and underwear models as he has for his politics.</p> <p>But Lembit Opik revealed last night to the Western Mail he has formed a new relationship that he believes will last a lifetime – with God.</p> <p>The Montgomeryshire MP said although he has believed in God as a “life force” since childhood, he turned to religion to help him through his “darkest hour” late last year.</p><p>...</p><p>“Some people will say, ‘How can Lembit be a Christian with the way he lives his life?’,” he said.</p> <p>“But rather than getting angry and seeking an eye for an eye, I just let it go and think about what Jesus would have done and think there is a generosity of spirit in everyone.</p> <p>“To an atheist I would say, ‘How do you know you are right?’.</p> <p>“Even in my darkest hour God was never far away – he was keeping a watching brief.”</p></blockquote><p>Meanwhile, Lembit has also been interviewed by the <a href="http://www.shropshirestar.com/2010/02/01/colourful-lib-dem-lembit-speaks-out/">Shropshire Star</a>:<br /></p><p><br /><object id="flashObj" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0" height="412" width="486"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9/17736683001?isVid=1&publisherID=1544494333"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=64305672001&playerID=17736683001&domain=embed&"><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com"><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9/17736683001?isVid=1&publisherID=1544494333" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashvars="videoId=64305672001&playerID=17736683001&domain=embed&" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" swliveconnect="true" allowscriptaccess="always" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" height="339" width="400"></embed></object><br /></p>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-42296628461547527422010-02-02T02:10:00.000-08:002010-02-02T02:11:20.787-08:00Exploding pigs cannot save our bacon<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE was outrage this week when it was revealed government anti-terrorism experiments involved blowing up LIVE pigs! The explosive tests at a secret military research lab in Wiltshire, were to examine how to help British soldiers in Afghanistan and victims of terrorist attacks like the 2005 London bombings.But there was an outcry when folk found out that the experiments included wiring up pigs up to explosives then blowing them to kingdom come. Scientists claim the pigs were sedated and that the results could help to save lives. But others aren’t convinced. My MP pal Norman Baker called the process “revolting and unnecessary”. He made the point that — unfortunately — we already have enough examples of the horror caused by terrorist bombs. But the main problem is that however many pigs we incinerate, this isn’t going to solve the basic problem. The real solution to terrorism is for us to pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan. So, instead of wiping out the pig population, let’s stop provoking the Afghan population It would be better for us to bring an end to a military operation which is both illegal and unwinnable and which never had a chance of being successful from Day One. The Daily Sport has had the courage to stand up and be counted. How many more deaths must there be, and how many terrorist attacks must we risk, before other newspapers, and MPs, wake up to this basic and inescapable fact?</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">HAVE you heard of Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono? No, I thought not. He’s Indonesia’s president-come pop star and he’s just released his third album! Despite falling popularity, tough economic challenges and ongoing criticism of his government’s treatment of tribal people, the pop-loving Pres has still found time to record the nine-track album, which he made in collaboration with other artists, including the winner of Indonesian Idol. Mr. Yudhoyono writes his songs while on foreign visits or sitting in the presidential palace. Although he doesn’t do live concerts he’s been known to sing at his election rallies. His latest masterpiece is the immodestly named song I’m Certain I’ll Make It — an optimistic title by any politician’s standards! If Gordon Brown recorded an album I’m not so sure he’d be quite as confident. He would probably call it “Poisoned Chalice” or “The End Is Near”! Then again, if he collaborated with pop beauties like Katie Perry or Lily Allen then his election campaign song is obvious – “The Only Way Is Up!”</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">HERE’S a quick history lesson for you: until 1558 the French city of Calais was ruled by England. “So what?” I hear you cry. Well, recently, the plucky city-folk have been re-establishing their reputation as “England’s southern-most point” to cash in on the 2012 Olympic Games. City authorities, hotel owners and businessmen have figured that using the high-speed channel tunnel link, the two-hour journey from Calais to London is just as quick as travelling from one end of London to the other. So they’re investing £80 million on places for athletes to train and spectators to stay. They’ve already secured contracts with teams from Uzbekistan, Senegal and Chad (though, funnily enough, not from France), and they’re eagerly looking for more. Some Calais-based businessmen have even revealed that they were secretly rooting for London to beat Paris in the Olympic bid because the UK capital is nearer to them. The city bosses say they’re not trying to compete with English training facilities but they are promoting their involvement — dubbed Mission 2012 — by promising teams who train in Calais will win in London. That’s a big statement to make — but if Uzbekistan conquer London they’ll have done better than Napoleon ever did!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WELL that’s it, folks! At long last the UK is officially out of recession. Figures released this week show our economy has finally started to grow again. And unemployment has dropped for the first time in 18 months. That’s a good sign. But it’s still going to take the country a while to get back on its feet. The UK is the last big economy to come out of the recession. France, Germany, Japan and the USA all started improving last year. And our comeback so far hasn’t been as good as experts predicted. Although it’s no longer shrinking, the UK economy has grown by just a measly 0.1%. That would mean that a business that was worth £10,000 is now worth £10,010 — it’s not very much is it? If that’s not bad enough there are still over two million folks out of work and the country has a whopping collective debt of 800 billion quid! After the worst economic battering in decades we’re going to be feeling the effects for a long time yet. Being told the recession “is officially over” is little consolation to people who lost their jobs, businesses and homes. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but whoever wins the next election has a massive job to get the UK back on-track.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-71340843094905170952010-01-25T03:36:00.000-08:002010-01-25T03:37:23.189-08:00Real hell in Haiti<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WE complain about all kinds of things here in the UK, traffic jams, the weather, the price of food, overcrowded trains. Well, ALL that is nothing compared to the troubles in Haiti. The devastating earthquake left more than 100,000 people dead and the entire country in ruins. Water supplies, houses and hospitals have all been destroyed. Hundreds of thousands are at risk of starvation or dehydration. And many of the injured are simply lying in the street with no medical help and nowhere to go. It’s one of the worst humanitarian disasters of our time. The world’s response has been tremendous. Food,water, troops, rescue workers, engineers, vehicles and medical supplies have been flooding in from around the globe. Amazingly, old foes have put their differences aside to help. For the first time bolshie Cuba has allowed US aircrafts to fly through its airspace so they can reach Haiti faster. The UK public have donated more than £23 million. British charities like Oxfam, CAFOD and Christian Aid are pulling out all the stops to get relief to the people who need it most. There are even British firefighters out in Haiti, searching for survivors and helping with the rescue work. That’s a true human good news story. But it doesn’t take away from the catastrophe. With the ports damaged and roads destroyed loads more people will die. On top of this, a lot of the United Nations workers based in Haiti were killed in the quake so the relief effort has taken a real battering. As if things weren’t bad enough,a strong aftershock on Wednesday wrecked even more buildings and hampered rescue work further still. So here’s mychallenge to all you: if you haven’t donated yet, cut out a couple of pints down the boozer on Friday, log on to www.dec.org.uk and give a few quid to the appeal. By converting your ale into aid, you’re actually going to save yourself a hangover and save some lives in Haiti. If every Sport reader chucks in a fiver that’s over five million quid. We can make a REAL difference—and I hope we do.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">DID you hear about that lucky family who won 26 million quid on the lottery this week? It’s more dramatic than the lottery to win tickets for the 80 places to watch former Prime Minister Tony Blair give evidence at the Iraq War inquiry. He’s the Star Witness. The lucky winners will watch Tricky Tony being grilled on why he led the country into a war that killed British soldiers and Iraqi civilians and cost billions. I don’t know what he’ll say,but I’m pretty sure he won’t say “Sorry, I got it wrong” or “We did it for the oil” or “Saddam was asking for it.” But how on earth can he make good the worst decision of his political career? I like Tony.He’s decent, friendly and smart. Which makes it all the stranger he committed us to a war which wiped out hundreds of thousands of lives. If you had the choice of a ticket for the Blair session or the lottery ticket which won the £26m, which would you choose? IF Tony comes clean at the inquiry, it would be a priceless moment in British politics. But what are the chances of that? Put it this way, I’d take the money . . .</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE’S a storm in Israel at the moment surrounding sexy lingerie model Bar Rafaeli. Busty Bar, famous for her raunchy photo shoots and on-off relationship with actor Leo DiCaprio, is getting flack off the Israeli army for dodging military service! Israel is the only country in the world where women, as well as men, have to do a compulsory stint in the forces. But they can get out of it if they’re married. So the fetching Ms Rafaeli married a man friend, got exempt for the draft, then got a divorce! Cunning. Now the army are calling for a boycott of her products and fellow supermodel Esti Ginzberg — who did do her military service — has joined in the criticism. I don’t know how good a soldier she’d be. Perhaps they should set up a platoon specifically recruiting ladies like Bar and Esti. They’d certainly be model soldiers who’d excel on the front.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE UK Independence party caused a rumpus this week by calling for a total ban on women wearing burkas. They say this piece of clothing – which completely covers a Muslim lady’s face – is a sign of a “divided Britain”. No, no, no! The fact people are allowed to wear their own religious clothes shows just how tolerant and inclusive Britain is. If we use UKIP’s logic to ban burkas we’ll have to follow it up with a ban on turbans, skull-caps, crucifixes and whatever it is that Jedi Knights wear. We might as well go even further and just give everyone a string vest, rolled up trousers and a hanky for their head so that we can all look “British”. Diversity is the spice of life – it’s one of the things that makes Britain a good place to be. It might be okay to ask people to take off face coverings when they enter a bank or passport control. But<br />you’d need to be a berk to ban the burka!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-56600051883840367032010-01-15T11:41:00.001-08:002010-01-15T11:41:47.389-08:00Here's to you Mrs Robinson<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">AS you probably know, Northern Ireland MP Iris Robinson had an affair. The press went bonkers about it because, like in the film The Graduate, Mrs Robinson had got friendly with a much younger chap. This time it wasn’t Dustin Hoffman, but Kirk McCambley – who was 19 at the time. The fiery politician is married to Peter Robinson, head of the Northern Irish Assembly. Some claim that she was involved in financial wheeling and dealing too. Irate Iris is quitting the politics game, and her husband hasn’t managed to dodge the flak either. Poor Peter’s stepped down as boss of the Assembly for the next six weeks while things get sorted out. But is it fair? No! It’s easy – and dopey – to simply ogle an MP’s private life and pretend that it’s about politics. But why the hell should the Robinsons’ marital matters be splashed over the papers as if it’s the biggest story on earth? Iris’ affair is between her and her husband and should not be treated like an episode of EastEnders. And as for the financial stuff, unless we’re now all expected to grass on each other – and our partners – it’s unreasonable to expect Mr Robinson to be his wife’s keeper. Whatever you think of Iris, the current feeding frenzy is more about political journalists who can’t resist a bit of sex gossip. So they dress it up as “political” when 80 per cent of it is tittle tattle. After all, consider this: If a journalist’s wife was caught having an affair with someone else, would the journo resign? Of course not! So stop the hypocrisy guys. Happily, this fine paper took a much more balanced view. For fair reporting you can always trust Daily Sport. And as for my friends Peter and Iris, my advice is: “Don’t give up!”</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LAST week I predicted Flash Gordon Brown would survive the Labour party “rebellion’” with ease. I’m pleased to report that – unlike some other pundits – I was absolutely right. The ill-fated coup by ex-ministers Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt was about as successful as a papier mache submarine. Even the Titanic got further on its voyage before sinking – it lasted a few days, while the Hoon-Hewitt collective, hit their political iceberg after just 90 minutes. So Gordo’s still going strong in No.10, Hoon and Hewitt are in the doghouse and the doom-mongers have had to eat their words. However, I fear Gordon’s biggest challenge is still to come. Beating off a few disgruntled backbench MPs was easy enough – but seeing off Davey Cameron and his likely lads in the General Election could prove to be a little bit tougher. Still, the Conservatives were telling anyone who’ll listen that Labour is weak and divided so the Tories ought to win. But I’m not so sure. Last week’s developments showed Gordon’s a fighter and his Cabinet is indeed behind him. So the only real certainty from this episode is that Brown, Cameron and Clegg WILL lead their parties into the Election. Who’ll win is a prediction I’m not making – yet.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">I BELIEVE politics and sport should be kept separate. Sadly, once again that hope was smashed by a shower of bullets when gunmen opened fire on the Togo football team bus. It carried top players like Manchester City’s Adebayor to the African Cup of Nations tournament in Angola. The ambush left people wounded and killed. The group responsible is called FLEC. They’re “rebels” fighting for independence for the small Angolan region of Cabinda. In truth, there are some real concerns about how the Angolan Government treats Cabinda. But murdering athletes is a total own goal. The Togo footballers have nothing to do with politics. The attacks raise worries about the safety of athletes, especially in the run-up to this summer’s football World Cup in South Africa. Older readers will recall the 1972 Olympics when terrorists murdered Israeli athletes. More recently, there was terror in cricket when the Sri Lankan team came under attack in Pakistan. When we kick off in South Africa, the focus must be football not politics. That way, regardless of who lifts the trophy on July 11, the tournament will bring the world together, not shoot us apart.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WE’RE through the worst of it folks – or are we? After weeks of frozen roads, closed schools, cancelled trains, salt shortages, abandoned cars and panic buying, the country began to thaw. Then a new deluge came down midweek and it was all white again! People are criticising how badly the UK coped with the snow and ice, but I think we did OK. Communities rallied together to look after the old and ill, while our emergency services worked 24/7 to help. In true Dunkirk spirit, we pulled through. It could even could lead to a reality show – “The Ice-Factor”. Amazingly, over in the USA, sub-zero temperatures didn’t stop folk from celebrating “No Trousers on the Tube Day”. This bizarre occasion sees thousands of commuters ride the tube in their undies Would that work here as a Government initiative? Well, it could be motivating. The hope of seeing Gemma Massey like that on the Bakerloo Line could increase the number of lads commuting to work on the London Underground when it’s below zero. It would certainly bring new meaning to the phrase “Boob Tube”!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-48703736046284581752010-01-04T07:49:00.001-08:002010-01-04T07:49:40.697-08:00Year we go again<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">SO that’s it folks— tonight we’ll be seeing off 2009 with a load of fireworks, champagne and hugs with random strangers! How’s the year been for you? Politically it’s been one of the most bumpy in a long time! We lost more than a hundred troops in Afghanistan, faced a political crisis over MP’s expenses and sunk into the worst recession for years. Dictators like Robert Mugabe have survived another year and there were riots at the G20 summit and protests at the Copenhagen summit. But nothing really changed — the poor are still poor and we’re still wrecking our planet. All the while most papers were focussing on cheap shots at MPs rather than the real political issues. But there have been some good bits too! We saw off the back of George Bush and the arrival of Barack Obama. Mr.O hasn’t changed the world overnight, but he’s full of promise and things in the USA are beginning to look a bit brighter. Back here,my mate John Bercow became Speaker of the House of Commons and is starting to sort out British politics. Other brilliant moments included the decision to let retired Ghurkas stay in the UK after a campaign led by Joanna Lumley and the Liberal Democrats! So what about 2010? Well I know what I’d like to see — British withdrawal from Afghanistan and a decent deal on climate change. Will either of them happen? Only time will tell. But one thing is for certain. There’ll be a general election, probably on May 6th. And if it all goes wrong at least we’ll still have the pain of losing the World Cup to look forward to! Hope you all have a happy new year.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ON Christmas Eve, just as Pope Benedict was about to host Mass for a few thousand Catholics, a crazy girlie jumped past his security and pulled him to the ground. It was a violent attack which left a Cardinal injured but didn’t hurt the elderly Pope. It came just a week after another angry nutter managed to get close to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi – breaking his teeth and his cheekbone. Incidents like this show the risks that high profile public figures take. A good leader needs to be able to get close to his people, not separated by a thousand bodyguards and a sheet of bulletproof glass. But by doing so it’s never possible for security to keep them 100% safe and they take the chance that loonies will get them. I say fair play to the Pope and to Berlusconi! They’ve shown they care enough about their people to risk their own safety. I don’t envy their position. Thankfully most attacks I’ve had to face are written ones from odd journalists like BBC reporter Vaughan Roderick. While his snipes and one-sided reporting are as irrational as a punch in the face, they’re unprofessional rather than painful. But what connects all these people is an inability to connect with their target in a grown-up and sensible way. It would be nice to think they’ll all wise up in 2010 but I doubt it.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">HOMELESS folk around Blackfriars Bridge in London got a shock the other night when they noticed none other than Prince William roughing it in a sleeping bag and woolly hat! </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">The Prince hadn’t been kicked out of Buck House for playing his music too loud – he was trying to experience life on the streets and raise awareness for homelessness charity Centrepoint. Willy accepts that he can never get the full homeless experience. Most people slumming it on the streets don’t have a comfy palace to go home to or an MI5 agent watching their back. But still, he got a taster of the cold, discomfort and destitution that thousands in the UK face every night. And instead of dashing home at the first opportunity he finished off his night on the street by cooking breakfast for a group of young people at a Centrepoint shelter. Good on him! One day he’ll be King and it’s great to know he cares about people on the other end of the spectrum. Now all that’s left for me to say is a Happy New Year to all my readers and I look forward to a lot more fun with you all in 2010 (and maybe a couple of Daily Sport stunnas too!)</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">HAVE you put on a few pounds over Christmas? With all the turkey, mince pies and boozing it’s no surprise that we all gain an extra couple of inches round the waist! And personally I reckon that’s a good thing. My extremely good friend Katie Green and I are campaigning against the bizarre phenomenon of size zero models and their promotion of eating disorders. And we’re ready to take the fight into 2010! What better place to start than with festive food? Everyone, especially young people, should be enjoying their meals and eating healthily – not panicking about whether that extra roast potato will make them bigger than Kate Moss. So if your missus is going on a crash diet or your sister is starving herself to lose the Christmas pounds, just point her in the direction of Katie! The rate at which her 2010 calendars are flying off the shelves proves that ditching diets and putting on a few pounds hasn’t done her any harm!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-80465235535420573042009-12-31T04:25:00.000-08:002009-12-31T04:26:13.997-08:00Politics gets the X factor<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IT’S finally been agreed! Next year, in the run up to the General Election, there’ll be televised debates with the party leaders. Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg will go for it on air. It’s the first time a leader’s TV debate has happened in a British election. They’re common in America but the trend never caught on over here, until now. I think it’s going to be good.The public can really put the leaders on the spot.And the leaders can do the same to each other for a full 90 minutes, not the half-hour at Prime Minister’s Questions. It’s like The X Factor but better because it won’t take 14 flipping weeks to vote for the winner. But some folk aren’t happy. The Scottish and Welsh nationalist parties are complaining because they haven’t been invited to the party. I see their point, but if we invited them we’d really have to invite every minor political party in Britain with representatives! And then there’s everyone from the Monster Raving Loonies through to the Legalise Cannabis Party. If THEY all turned up, it would make The X Factor look positively respectable.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">REMEMBER I told you about the big Iraq inquiry that is taking place at the moment? It’s investigating why we went to war and what went wrong, looking at everything from Tony Blair’s gung-ho decision to follow George Bush off to the Middle East, through to the torture of Iraqi prisoners years later. When the inquiry was first announced there was a big argument about whether to hold it in public. Government spooks wanted to keep things hush-hush and hold the investigation behind closed doors. Campaigners for truth and democracy wanted it in the open. In the end the government went with the public option, broadcasting the goings-on and publishing what was said. Unfortunately things went bad last Friday when the lead investigator decided to black-out a whole section of the proceedings. Around midday, an ex-diplomat was giving evidence. Suddenly chairman John Chilcot hit a button and cut the live feed for over a minute. When the transcript turned up later the words said during this time were blocked out with black ink. What on earth happened? Was there swearing? Did somebody fart? Methinks that there is a more sinister explanation. What we’ve got is a public inquiry with the juicy bits cut out. That’s no good. Soldiers died, thousands of Iraqi civilians were killed and billions were spent. Blacking out some embarrassing words won’t fool anyone. The war was wrong and most of us know we should NEVER have invaded. It’s a shame the government still tries to shield itself, and us, from this inescapable and dreadful truth.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">SO, the Russians have announced that they’re planning to send a monkey to Mars. That’s right, in a new 21st Century space race, our Moscow based mates are going to put a chimp in a capsule and try to send the little fella all the way to the Red Planet. The experiment will include a robot to look after the monkey on its trip and will hopefully pave the way for plans to send a human to Mars in the next couple of decades. It’s exciting stuff! Putting a man on the moon was one of the biggest achievements in history. That also started with monkeys. Putting someone on Mars will be even more thrilling, because as well as Russia and the US, it will probably include China as well. It’s a shame the European Space Agency seems unwilling to seriously enter such an exciting mission. But one question. Why does it have to be a monkey, or even a man? What’s wrong with sending a woman,like Daily Sport babe Monica Harris? It’d be a real win for equality. And besides, she’s the perfect heavenly body for the trip.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LOOKING at the snow outside you wouldn’t think it – but global warming is getting worse by the day. And although top politicians from around the world gathered in Copenhagen last week to try and thrash out a deal to stop climate change, we’re still a long way off fixing the damage. The Copenhagen summit was a historic chance to try and prevent a global climate catastrophe. But where did it all go wrong? All the countries argued and spent time trying to protect their own interests. In the end US big boss Barack Obama helped broker a bit of a sort of treaty, but it wasn’t binding. That means countries have signed up for it but don’t have to actually do anything! Useless? You bet! Having a non-binding treaty is like saying: “Here’s a load of money and beer — please don’t take it… but no one’s going to try to stop you.” So in a way we’re back to square one. Something big has to be done soon – otherwise this could well be the last white Christmas we ever see.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-23872600692369311122009-12-23T15:42:00.000-08:002009-12-23T15:44:33.549-08:00Identity crisis grows<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IDENTITY card plans have caused anger for years. First they wanted everyone in Britain to carry one. Then they saw sense and scrapped the scheme.But now they’ve gone for a bizarre halfway house where ID cards aren’t compulsory but people can buy them for 30 quid! After shelling out seven tenners for a passport, folk in Manchester,where the pilot scheme is starting, have the option of making it a round 100 by buying a useless ID card as well. Labour plan to extend the scheme to Cumbria, Merseyside, Lancashire and Cheshire next year. So if you Northern lads have a few quid left to burn after Christmas, forget the pub! Get yourself another piece of plastic to prove to your landlord you’re who he thinks you’ve been for the last 10 years. I suppose the only person who really could do with proving he exists is Santa Claus. But he doesn’t need ID to get into the country, he can get a herd of reindeer and 10 billion quid’s worth of presents in and he hasn’t even got a passport!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE troubled Sun newspaper had a curious pop at me for using electricians from Mid-Wales to fix my electrics in my London flat. Their reporter, Lynsey Haywood, implied I wasted money by getting Welsh chaps to fix some electrical problems down in the Big Smoke. Now, let’s think about this. Which do YOU, dear Sport reader, think is cheaper? Sparkies from central London — or my guys from Montgomeryshire, one of the lowest paid regions in Britain? The Sun seems to believe you can get electrics fixed for less in Britain’s capital than you could with Welsh electricians — even including the travel! Perhaps they think Mid-Wales is more costly than Monte Carlo, so their tiny journalistic expenses allowance won’t stretch to a visit to find out whether the place is inhabited by multimillionaires and Pamela Anderson. Just so you know, a pint in my local pub is just over two quid. Rents are a fraction the price of the Big City… as are wages. Daily Sport writers know the real salaries people get OUTSIDE London. What’s bad is the story caused local electrician Chris Lewis to get so upset about how he was, in his words, “completely misquoted” that he offered to resign from his job. That’s NOT good, Lynsey! I don’t mind people having a bit of fun at MY expense, but how would young Ms Hayward feel if someone caused HER so much grief she felt like resigning? As one journalist to another, I suggest there should be limits. It’s wrong to pick on people who don’t know how the press will use their quotes. It might be good to show more respect to decent people like Chris, who deserve better from papers like the Sun.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE was scandal in the Irish parliament this week when fiery Green Party MP Paul Gogarty stood up and shouted “f*** you” to rival MP Emmet Stagg. The outburst came during a heated debate on the budget, and the passionate Mr Gogarty went on to declare: “We are screwed as a country because of the wrongdoing of others!” Gobby Gogarty quickly apologised — but the story took a startling twist when it turned out he hadn’t actually done anything wrong! Official rules ban Irish MPs from using the words “scumbag”, “communist”, “fascist” and “hypocrite”. But apparently the f-word is perfectly fine! The rule book is now being reviewed to give it a 21st century update. It’s the end of a flipping era.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE race for the Christmas number one single used to be very competitive. But ever since The X Factor appeared it’s almost automatic that the winner of the show tops the Xmas charts. Now, non-fans of the contest, have organised a mass buying of the track Killing In the Name, by heavy metal band Rage Against the Machine. But I know who’ll get my backing this year. The British Army Rifles Regiment band recorded Love Farewell, as a tribute to fallen comrades in Afghanistan. They’re selling copies to raise money for the Help for Heroes charity. It’s a great cause. Go and buy it. If enough of us get a copy maybe the government will do their own Christmas tribute to the troops next year…by bringing them home. </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">FOR ages the African nation of Eritrea has been ruled by a nasty government. People are locked up for “crimes” like criticising its leaders. Now its footy team has legged it while playing in Kenya. The government called for the players to return and also accused them of “betraying their country”. Hmmm… don’t try that approach with your kids— or next thing you know, they’ll defect and end up playing football for Eritrea</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-3618631704290319822009-12-17T09:47:00.001-08:002009-12-17T09:47:36.082-08:00A century of tears<span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE UK’s ill-fated expedition in Afghanistan hit a grim milestone on Monday with the loss of our 100th soldier this year. Lance-Corporal Adam Drane, 23, died in a gun battle in Helmand Province. Total coalition deaths in 2009 are now approaching the five hundred mark, with hundreds more Afghani soldiers and civilians dead or missing. The Daily Sport, and millions of people, have said again and again that its time to bring our troops home. And we’ll carry on saying it until the government does just that. It’s clear now that military measures are not the way forward in Afghanistan. But government ministers, from the comfort of London, are continuing to send our people over to fight and die on the front line. One of the arguments they use to keep our troops there is that all the deaths will be in vain if we pull out. But I don’t think this is the case. Allied forces have made progress. It’s just time to switch to a political strategy and to talk to the Taliban instead of trying to bash them into submission. Our forces won’t be home by this Christmas – but I just hope this is the last festive season they have to endure this war that cannot be won… and that the new year brings with it a dose of commonsense— and withdrawal. One death is too many, but one hundred in a single year is just insane.</span> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">I BET a lot of you Daily Sport readers look forward to the regular feature Students Talk Sex every Friday. Well, in Parliament this week we’ve had our very own version. You see, some folk in the media got hold of a naughty sex guide that was apparently written by Speaker John Bercow during his uni days. The saucy article appeared in a Tory student paper back in 1986. It included top chat-up lines and ways to seduce various different women. When it came to light on Monday some people got all excited and started slating boisterous Bercow, saying it made him unfit to do his job. What a load of nonsense! The whole thing turned out to be a bit of a non-story because the article wasn’t even written by John! It was a joke ABOUT him, not BY him. I was in student politics at the same time and anyone who met the young Mister Bercow knew he was the last person who would write something like that. And even if he has written it, who cares? Everyone does some odd stuff when they’re younger and it shouldn’t affect their position later. People should chill-outand get off John’s case. Anyway, after this week’s events you can be sure we won’t be seeing a “Bercow special” of Students Talk Sex anytime soon.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE Italian edition of Rolling Stone magazine has picked its “Rock Star of the Year” and the result was unexpected. Chosen for his maverick lifestyle and eye for the ladies, the prize went to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi! The magazine reckons that even the likes of Rod Stewart and Keith Richards in their prime weren’t a patch on silver-tongued Silvio. They’ve got a point, the billionaire big boss became famous for flings with sexy model Noemi Letizia and call girl Patrizia D’Addario. He also threw saucy hot tub parties with naked girls then shrugged it off as “nothing scandalous” when the press found out. Still — and perhaps most interestingly — Berlusconi has stayed popular in the polls. In fact, there’s a good chance his lifestyle may even be making him EXTRA appealing to younger voters. Maybe Gordon Brown should take a leaf out of his book and hit the town with Peach . What’s the worst that could happen? As well as winning the election, he might even win Loaded’s “Man of the Year!”</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LAST week Chancellor Alistair Darling revealed the country’s financial situation. And basically,we’re poor. Very poor. In fact, we’re skint. Everything’s gone wrong economically for the last year or so and the Treasury has been throwing money at it to tryand stop a total collapse. It’s sort of worked, in the sense that the economy will probably start growing again in January. That’s good news if it happens,but we’re still left with a whopping bill of £1,400,000,000,000! There was a bit of good news. Apparently, tax will be less on new central heating systems and also you’ll pay a bit less to play Bingo. So, in the words of economic Guru Vince Cable MP, it’s “good news for bingo and boilers.” But for the rest of us, start saving…</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-5143014133891507722009-12-07T01:53:00.000-08:002009-12-07T01:54:18.059-08:00Will Gordon turn pirate<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">OUR Prime Minister appears to have become amphibious. You see, as his party's European election ratings sank beneath the waves, Gordon somehow managed to keep his head above water. This is no small feat. It was the worst election result for Labour since the First World War. On top of that, some Ministers resigned- and some said that Gordy should resign too. But there's something about Gordon which people under estimate. Just when you thinks it's all over, he somehow rallies his troops and the danger recedes. All the same, there's a lot of Labour wreckage from last week's Euro elections. Other parties, like the Tories and UKIP, were the main beneficiaries. Labour's worst result was in the south-west of England, where in parts they came SIXTH behind a Cornish nationalist party that wants the county to be independent from England. If the unsinkable Gordon Brown survives all the way to the election, he'll be more of an escape artist than Houdini. The thing is, he might just do it. He might take heart from some of the stranger parties which won against all odds in the elections. For instance, the Swedish Pirate Party who campaign for free downloads and file sharing on the internet. Pirates in Parliament? Shiver me timbers!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">MAYBE it's because I'm a Londoner that I have to walk everywhere at the moment. OK, I'm not actually a Londoner, but I live there and it's been a tough week for travel in the Big Smoke. Arguments over pay and working hours caused a Tube workers' walkout, bringing gridlock to the capital. I've got sympathy for the strikers, they've a tough job and work hard. But it's pretty crap that London gets stuck whenever we can't use the Underground Ever tried driving around central London in the rush hour? Almost impossible. I dread to think what will happen when the Olympics are here and millions of people come to visit. Perhaps the only solution is to make Tube strikes and traffic jams into official Olympic events.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> Remember Gary McKinnon? He's the fella facing big charges in the States for hacking into US Navy and NASA computers. Gary, who has Asperger's syndrome, was using his computer to look for UFOs and managed to hack into some pretty sensitive mainframes during his hunt. Back in October, the Home Secretary ruled he should be deported to the US, where he faces 70 years in jail. This week he's been in the High Court contesting this. His lawyers argue that deporting him for such a lengthy prison sentence could seriously damage his health. He's a got a lot of support. It's common for Asperger's sufferers to be unaware of the effect their actions are having so Gary probably didn't realise how much his hacking antics were frightening the spooks in the States. I reckon the US government should employ him rather than imprison him. He's obviously got the skills and the passion for a job in Area 51. But it could put the X Files out of business -if The Truth Is Out There on a computer somewhere, McKinnon WILL find it.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE are a lot of worthy causes around: all over the country people are saving the whales, forests and local post offices. But now some passionate activists have launched a new campaign- to save the Essex accent. Proud Essex historians reckon their unique lingo is being diluted. They are worried that the famous dialect of Essex girls like Bond babe Gemma Arterton and Daily Sport stunna Triana is under threat by the creeping advance of Cockney. It's not a moment too soon either. If Parliament has its way, everyone will probably have to sound Scottish when the Labour Party is in power, and like an Eton toff if the Tories take charge. But ONLY Lib Dem Lembit promises to preserve Essex accents forever!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IN the coming months there'll be a host of 'Pride' festivals up and down the country. Every summer gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities get together in London, Birmingham and other cities throughout the UK. They are often, bright and vibrant events. But in some other countries things have always been a little more low key. In China, for example, homosexuality has traditionally been a bit of a taboo, until now. A couple of lesbians from the USA set up Shanghai's first ever gay pride festival last week. So it's one more Pride party on the calendar so long as you like Chow Mein that is!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-72357365784323024122009-11-29T11:39:00.000-08:002009-11-29T11:40:15.554-08:00It's time for some answers<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">SIX years, 179 lost soldiers and thousands of dead civilians after it began, we may finally be on the verge of getting some clarity about the UK’s ill-fated expedition into Iraq. On Wednesday, the public inquiry into why we went to war finally got underway. Top spies, government advisors, military chiefs, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown will be giving evidence. The hot issue will be why the government was so sure Iraq dictator Saddam had weapons of mass destruction when, even at the time, it was pretty clear he didn’t. After so much death, destruction and suffering, it’s important to get some answers. Of course, it’s good Saddam isn’t ruling his country any more but when our government seems to have misled the nation and sent our brave troops to die in a dodgy conflict, we have to examine what really went on. Unfortunately, while Gordo and his boys bowed to public pressure and decided to hold the inquiry in public, those running it are hand-picked by No 10. Plus, NONE of the witnesses will be required to give evidence under oath. Some people suspect a government “whitewash.” While a lot of important questions will be asked, we’ll probably never find out completely what went on during those dark days back in 2003. We need to remember the sacrifices our troops made and to find out why they were sent to their deaths. However, we also need to help the Iraqis rebuild their country, get our troops out of Afghanistan and make sure that future British governments do not go mental in the Middle East again. I voted against the war in 2003. It’s cold comfort to be proved right when the error is measured in billions of pounds, and hundreds of thousands of avoidable deaths.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> WITH the World Cup fast approaching, the South African government is planning to set up 54 special courts so they can deal with rowdy football fans! The World Cup Courts will be in the host cities and will be able to “fast-track” cases involving foreigners. It’s a good idea. If you have your wallet nicked or get a punch in the pub you can give evidence in a couple of days rather than flying back to South Africa after the tournament has finished. It could also put people off footy-related violence. Those idiots who enjoy intimidating other fans or smashing up towns can be in the dock within 24 hours and the South African government has insisted that there will be “no leniency”. Still—I think every football fan will agree on the first person we’d like to see hauled before a judge. For cheating, robbery and crimes against football…Thierry Henry!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IT’S been one of those weeks when the weather has been the main news as huge winter rainfalls caused massive floods. My own area, Montgomeryshire, has been suffering from blocked roads and minor landslides while the situation in Scotland is so bad that people are being told to only make essential car journeys. But, as everyone knows, the centre of destruction is Cumbria. My MP friend Tim Farron has his work cut out sorting out evacuated residents, collapsed bridges, burst banks and millions of pounds in damage. Things got so bad that the army came in to help the emergency services. It’s a scary reminder of just how powerful the weather can be. We often moan about the wind and the rain but just be thankful your house isn’t under eight feet of water! It looks like the worst of the rains may be over but the clean-up hasn’t even begun yet. No one knows how long it will take to repair the schools, roads and houses. Frantic Farron reports that the Cumbrians have all been pulling together to help each other and show a true bit of “Blitz spirit”! It’s this kind of community teamwork that we should be proud of. So,well done to all the residents, emergency services and troops there and to anyone who still thinks there’s no such thing as global warming –– take a hike to Cumbria and see how far you get with that line now.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE’s been a spate of bizarre purchases recently! First, some Russian billionaire brought Hitler’s Mercedes for a cool five million quid. The un-named oligarch obviously fancied something a bit different and thought it would be trendy to cruise round in the wheels of one of the world’s most evil men. Then — and I kid you not — someone’s trying to sell Mussolini’s brain on eBay! Now, no one’s quite sure this brain actually belonged to the dead Italian dictator. But it may have been pinched from the hospital where it was stored after his execution back in 1945. His granddaughter Alessandra, a porn star-turned politician, got really angry and made sure eBay took down the offending item. What’s next? Idi Amin’s false teeth? Saddam Hussein’s moustache trimmers? Or even Katie Price’s modesty? Somehow I doubt it. If they<br />do go up for sale, all three are likely to be fakes.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-40032635221149868972009-11-21T16:30:00.000-08:002009-11-21T16:31:23.079-08:00Time for Gord to be a wise guy<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WESTMINSTER’S usual business stopped for the “State Opening of Parliament” on Wednesday. It’s an impressive show, with lots of pomp and ceremony, including a Royal parade from Buckingham Palace to the House of Lords. The Queen sits on a big gold throne, then she reads out the government’s plans for the coming year. Although it’s called the Queen’s Speech, she doesn’t write it, the Prime Minister does. But, I wonder if she’s tempted to add bits in like, “My government has decided to give everyone free ice cream in February,” or “Katie Price will be detained in the Tower of London indefinitely”. There are only 70 working days of parliamentary time left before the nation goes to the polls next May. It’s the same length as a series of Big Brother. And just like BB, you decide who stays and who gets the boot. The Lib Dems called for the Queen’s Speech to be cancelled because whatever Labour say, they won’t have time to do it. But there is time for one more thing, bringing our troops back from Afghanistan. Daily Sport was the first paper to say we should leave this un-winnable war. I agree. We should get out before we lose more troops. If Gordon Brown wants to spend the next six months wisely, he’ll bring our boys and girls home. That alone would make this very short parliamentary session well worth it.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Truss issue for Tories</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WITH the election so close you’d think the Tories would be taking on Labour. But, nope, they’re busy fighting THEMSELVES about each other’s private lives! Dangerous Davey Cameron has an A-list of candidates, which includes women and ethnic minorities. One’s a lively lady by name of Elizabeth Truss who’s fighting for the South West Norfolk Seat. Apparently, the local Tory branch went mental because Liz failed to mention she’d had a fling with a Conservative MP. Local Tories claimed they had been “betrayed” by Conservative HQ (who knew about the affair) and tried to stop her standing. Oh, for goodness sake! What does it matter? Her love life is no more relevant than her favourite food, or her view on the Offside Rule. Also, if local Conservative Party branches are so obsessed with who loves who, they’ll look pretty out of touch at the next election. I don’t know Ms Truss personally. But as far as “hanky panky” goes, her own team should back off big time. Our Tory chums still have a few lessons to learn.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Colonel Pimp</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">TWO hundred young Italian ladies were left very confused this week after an exclusive knees-up in Rome turned out slightly unexpectedly. They’d been recruited to attend the bash with a mysterious un-named VIP. Each woman was chosen because she was between 18-35, at least 1.7m tall and suitably “beautiful”. They were taken to a posh venue where they probably thought they’d rub shoulders with Hollywood film stars or top sportsmen—but no! The host was Libyan dictator Colonel Gaddafi, in Rome on a state visit. He made a long speech to “convert” the girls to Islam before sending them home with 50 euros and a copy of the Koran. It seems the likeable Libyan — a devout Muslim—was trying to poach Italy’s finest. I don’t think it would work over here. Short skirts, high heels and low-cut tops were specifically banned, so none of the Sport girls are likely to end up as Mrs Gaddafi anytime soon.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Dodgy donations</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">UNSURE of what to get the missus for Christmas? Got a spare £20 knocking around? If so, yo u can give her the ideal gift...a donation to the government! Sound weird? Too right it is! The bizarre idea comes from the Charities Advisory Trust — usually a very sensible group. They run a magazine where you can buy things like goats, chickens and wells for poor villages in Africa — all in the name of a friend or loved one. They send a certificate to show where the “present” has gone and how it’s helping those in need. It’s a nice scheme. It makes people feel good and helps the world’s poorest. But this year they’ve expanded the “gifts” available to include a £20 voucher to “help whittle down the national debt”. Basically, you hand over your 20 notes, and it ends up in HM Treasury… and your other half is meant to feel happy because Britain’s less poor — in her name. I’ve got two problems with this. Firstly, it’s just stupid – I doubt your lass will thank you for giving her present to the Chancellor. And secondly, the national debt currently stands at 825 BILLION QUID... with only £500 worth of vouchers sold so far. Just buy her a bottle of Baileys and some flowers, instead.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong></strong></span> </div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Hi Kevan</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LAST Saturday I bumped into a great Daily Sport reading chap called Kevan Daniels. He told me : “I read the Daily Sport because it’s a different paper. There’s too much gloom and doom and you need something to cheer you up.” Too right, Kevan. If you read the Sport and you see me, say hi and I’ll try to include you next week.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-37184407666280828082009-11-17T02:46:00.000-08:002009-11-17T02:47:07.698-08:00Nostalgia by the tonne in Berlin<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">There were big parties in Germany on Monday to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. It was so long ago now, that my youthful staff members Basil, Bill and Barker (sounds like a 1960s folk band) have no memory of it at all! But for many the memories are fresh. Thousands of people were split up from their friends, families and lovers when the Communist leadership in East Germany built the wall literally to stop people escaping to the Free West. That’s why its destruction – and reunification of Germany into one big country again - was their happiest historical moment. Meanwhile some folk have been celebrating – and reminiscing – by snapping up old East German products that disappeared after the country reunified. Communist Cola, toothpaste and even pickled gherkins are all being purchased in a fit of nostalgia. There’s still a small bit of the Wall standing. Go to see it if you ever get the chance. Just one bit of advice- while you’re there don’t spend your cash on any of the “genuine fragments of wall rubble” that are on sale. So many of these have been flogged that you could have built a wall stretching twice around the world! If you want some,give me a call. I’ve got thousands of tonnes of the stuff from, er, a hillside in Wales.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">A MEDIA storm erupted this week involving Gordon Brown and the sorry situation in Afghanistan. But it wasn’t to do with troop numbers, pensions for veterans, helicopters, battles with the Taliban or even whether our boys and girls should be out there at all. No, this week’s big story ignored all these serious issues and focussed on. . . the Prime Minister’s handwriting. You see — one of our brave lads, a young serviceman called Jamie Janes, was killed on the front line last month. Gordo wrote a letter of condolence to his mother but, due to his bad eyesight and dodgy handwriting (something he openly admits to), it looked like he wrote the surname “James” not “Janes”. The Sun got hold of the letter and went to town on Gordo, accusing him of disrespecting troops and insulting Guardsman Janes’ mother. Now don’t get me wrong, I can see why Mrs Janes is devastated. But the Sun has really gone too far. Gordon Brown sends personal letters to the relatives of all servicemen and women who lose their lives on the front line, something that has brought a small degree of comfort to a lot of people. The fact that his handwriting has made one name look wrong is no reason to attack him. Anyway, national papers like this should be focusing on the real issues surrounding this conflict. So far the Daily Sport stands head and shoulders above the rest in calling for a withdrawal from Afghanistan. That’s what counts — not whether an “n” looks like an “m”. When our troops’ lives are on the line the Sun, which is backing the Conservatives to win the next general election, has resorted to petty political point scoring. It’s they who should be ashamed.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">AS I was driving through London the other night I caught sight of a giant poster for the new Stereophonics album Keep Calm and Carry On. The album cover features the four Welsh fellas sitting around a table in the middle of the sea. It reminded me of a strange political incident the other week when the government of the Maldives went a step further and actually held their cabinet meeting under the Indian Ocean! Maverick President Mohamed Nasheed hosted the meeting in full scuba gear and 20 feet below the sea’s surface, to highlight the threat of climate change. He raises a very valid concern. Experts reckon that if global warming carries on at its current rate the Maldives could be submerged within 100 years. Their problem is that they depend on the whole world to sort out climate change. And at the moment we’re doing a poor job of it. And if we carry on like this there’ll be lots of places which will end up beneath the sea. Let’s start taking the climate thing on a bit more energetically. And until then my advice is go on holiday to the Maldives by all means. But don’t buy a house there unless it’s waterproof.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ONE person whose dedication to veterans and families noone could question is Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, known to her mates as “combat Barbie”. Gorgeous Katrina is just 21 but has already served in Iraq and won the prestigious Miss England beauty competition. That’s a strange combination if ever I saw one! Now she’s due to head off to Afghanistan but first will be given a short break to compete in the Miss World contest which takes place in South Africa in December. And if she takes the crown Kat wants to help charities that look after wounded soldiers and their bereaved families. Gorgeous, charitable, brave and patriotic — she sounds like the perfect girl. On behalf of Daily Sport readers everywhere I’d like to say good luck Katrina — we’re backing you all the way!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-90329806283350871692009-11-08T17:56:00.001-08:002009-11-08T17:56:30.981-08:00Keeping it in the family......<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">A CHAP called Kelly has finally revealed his brilliant plan to sort out MPs' expenses. While most of it is OK, there are a few slightly weird bits in it. For example, he reckons that eventually all MPs might have to live in accommodation owned by the government. What has he got in mind? A giant dormitory, with lights out at 11pm and no visitors? Or just a converted prison where we’re all locked up for the night, for our comfort and everyone’s safety? Then there’s the other recommendation: You can’t employ a “family” member. So what does that mean exactly? What constitutes a “family member”? Lots of MPs employ their wives and husbands partly because that means they actually get to see each other a bit more than they would otherwise. Many MPs work 90 hours a week, and if they can work as a team that makes sense. Also, what on earth does “family member” mean? Does having a Christmas kiss with your secretary mean you have to sack her? Can you employ your ex-wife? If you suddenly find out your excellent researcher is, in fact, a long-lost cousin, does that mean it’s curtains for his employment? This one seems a bit dodgy to me and would actually mean we’ll need a kind of register of romantic interests. I mean, if you just fancy someone, do you have to make them redundant before you take them out on a date? These are unanswered questions, and they’ve got to be sorted out before the new system comes into force. The rest of the Kelly stuff makes reasonable sense, but I wonder if he really thought about the family stuff before making his proposals. There’s no doubt things have to change. Personally, I say get rid of all the allowances, apart from travel, and leave an independent body to set MPs’ salaries. What we’ve got goes some of the way there, but until we simplify this whole business, it’ll never go away completely.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">SINCE 1989 the Indian army has been trying to defeat Islamic militants in Kashmir. They’ve tried everything. High tech weaponry, aircraft, military vehicles and thousands of troops have been deployed in the region. However, this week two rebel fighters were successfully taken out — by a bear. The mis-adventurous militants were taking a break from fighting and putting together a meal when a great big black bear wandered into their cave. And despite the pair being armed with AK47s, the hungry mammal managed to overcome them and, well, eat them. It proves nature can win where a well-armed military force can’t. The US will be hoping that one day Bin Laden might go the same way. After the billions the Yanks have invested in tracking him down, it would be ironic indeed if he became a tasty snack for Yogi<br />Bear’s peckish pals!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE House went nuts this week when Home Secretary Alan Johnson sacked the government’s top drug advisor Professor David Nutt. Dangerous Dave advised the government on drug policy. But he got the boot for saying cannabis was less risky than alcohol or tobacco and that it should never have been made a Class B illegal drug. Now I like Alan Johnson but it’s ludicrous to ask a top scientist for policy advice and then sack him for sharing that advice with the public afterwards. It’s like asking Daily Sport babe Bailey to get her kit off, then getting offended because you don’t like nudity. Anyway, Prof. Nutt is right. I’m not encouraging you to have a spliff instead of a pint, but booze and ciggies are also dangerous. Cannabis may cause mental illness but so does alcohol. Then there’s the link between fags and cancer. If you’re going to make cannabis a Class B drug,surely whisky and cigs have to go in there too! But while the medical world (and the LibDems) are right behind downhearted Dave, the Labour party and, predictably, the Tories seem set in their ways. They’re waging a war against common sense and, sadly, they seem to be winning.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">REMEMBER a few months back when I told you about the decision to let the UK Youth Parliament use the Commons for their annual session? It was the end of a long hard battle against a group of stuffy old traditionalists who opposed letting the youth into “our” chamber. Last Friday the Youth Parliament session happened. And a lot of those guys and girls shone. There was no bitchiness or political point scoring, just serious and very well handled debate. My mate, the “Speaker” John Bercow, chaired the session and praised MYPs for their speeches. It was great to see so many young people involved in democracy. Some who spoke — like Funmi Abari and Oliver Rawlinson — have already been spotted by the press. The way things are going,maybe they should start running the country right now.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-62139697569573920472009-10-30T11:13:00.000-07:002009-10-30T11:14:23.978-07:00It's stealing not sharing<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">IMAGINE if you spent three months working your guts out –– only to be told that you’re not getting paid! Well, if you’re a musician, this is exactly what happens to you every day. Illegal “file-sharing” of music means performers often don’t get paid when their music is downloaded for free through some websites. It’s not just unfair –– it’s theft, and on a colossal scale. This hasn’t been lost on the government. They’ve finally decided to do something about it. New laws will stop people from illegally file-sharing. This may even include suspending someone’s access to the internet after a series of warnings. For some, illegal file-sharing is so ingrained that only these tough measures will stop them –– because it doesn’t FEEL like stealing, even though it is. Most musicians and songwriters aren’t loaded, especially if they’re just starting out. If they don’t get paid they can’t make music, it’s as simple as that. We wouldn’t have heard Angels if Robbie Williams had to spend all his time earning money in Argos by singing: “Order number 325 to your collection point please.” And what if Oasis or the Beatles had never been paid? Or pop beauty Katy Perry. The whole world would have been deprived of their talent. Then again, if Chesney Hawkes had never got his first pay cheque we might have been saved from “I am the one and only” being pumped out in nightclubs every weekend. You may well have shared files yourself. Well, stop it! With over 20 LEGAL online services in theUK, like iTunes and Spotify, you can download legally without wrecking the industry. The laws will help,but if we all act a bit more responsibly, that would be best of all.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE’S been talk this week that former prime minister Tony Blair might become the President of the European Council. What do YOU think about that? This new post will happen once all the European Union countries have signed up to the Lisbon Treaty No one’s sure what the president’s job will involve yet. But it will be a powerful position. Blair’s a front-runner and a pretty good bet if you want a flutter. You may be surprised to read this from me, but a lot of the work he did as prime minister suggests he’d be quite good. By sending troops to Kosovo he helped stop the biggest European genocide since the Holocaust. And his work in Northern Ireland helped solve one of the continent’s longest running conflicts. These achievements shouldn’t be forgotten. But then come the objections. Some folk reckon the president should come from a country which isn’t “Eurosceptic” like the UK. Then there’s Blair’s track record of getting involved with messy wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and his initial support for the ludicrously stupid prison camp in Guantanamo Bay. The funny thing is, Blair hasn’t even said that he wants the job! But if he gets it, the first thing he should do is change the voting system in the Eurovision Song Contest, so we stop coming nearly last all the time. Mama Mia!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">MY pal and fellow MP Albert Owen was very hacked off this week when the Isle of Anglesey, which makes up his constituency, was wiped off the map — by Weetabix. As part of a new competition, Weetabix added a map of the British Isles to all their cereal boxes. Unfortunately, someone forgot to include Angelsey. This upset 70,000 people on the island. The Anglesey Tourism Association chief branded Weetabix “cereal killers” and called for a boycott of their products. I’m not surprised he’s annoyed ’cos it’s happened before. Last year, Walkers Crisps ran a tourism campaign that also erased Anglesey off their maps. I hope the situation gets sorted. Until then I guess it’s Shredded Wheat for Angry Albert!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-87774799123015593952009-10-29T10:44:00.000-07:002009-10-29T10:45:35.220-07:00Talking to extremes.....<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">UK politicians were split again this week over an old question: “Is it right to debate with extreme right wing and racist groups?” It’s come up again because a dubious Dutch MP Gert Wilders got to visit Parliament last Friday. Also, BNP leader Nick Griffin was on the BBC’s Question Time. Horrible Grouchy Gert caused a stir a few months back when he wasn’t allowed into Britain due to his extreme views on Islam. As for the BNP — well, they’ve been ruffling feathers for a couple of decades now, largely because they’re horrible to foreigners. Most people in Britain agree racism’s bad. But that’s where the agreement ends. Some want to debate with these people head-on to expose the weakness of their views. Others reckon we should just ignore them. I want the debate. Just pretending they don’t exist isn’t going to work! You can’t win an argument by not having it. If your mate claimed Hull City was the greatest football team in Britain—or that Sport stunna Jodie Oram isn’t attractive — you wouldn’t just ignore them would you? You’d sit them down in front of Match of the Day or buy them a copy of the Sport! And that’s exactly what we should be doing with the extremists, using facts and arguments, not pretending that they’ll simply get bored and take up golf instead. With unemployment up, community spirit down and the ever-looming threat of terrorist attacks, the temptations of prejudice and blaming an ethnic group are great indeed. But by challenging those ideas publicly we can get a more moderate result. That’s why I’m personally willing to debate with Mr Griffin. There’s no other way.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">MY Daily Sport column seems to be creating a bit of jealousy! A funny little fella called Matthew Withers can’t stop writing about me in a tiny weekly regional paper in Wales. And given what he writes about everyone else, I’m sure he’ll see the funny side of my gentle joshing about him. If Mattie was a woman, I’d report him as a stalker. Last weekend he did a huge front page story about my column, and copied whole sections of my work into it! Poor Mattie seems to have some sort of problem with my column, even though he’s clearly been following it every week. My advice to the likes of my mate Withers is to stop patronising the public. When he sneers at the Daily Sport, he sneers at readers who happen to like my more positive and informal approach towards political reporting. As I’ve said before, journalists who run down the content and style of this paper offend their own profession. It’s as if they’ve all kinds of hang-ups about what people like to –– or should –– read. Or is it just the fact that thousands more people read my column than read poor Mattie’s? If that is what’s bugging him, then it would suggest that for little Mattie, size matters. No doubt he’ll carry on his literary love affair with me this weekend. I’ll keep you posted.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">LABOUR are to civil liberties what icebergs were to the Titanic! They tried introducing 42-day detention without trial and came up with a crazy ID cards scheme. Another loopy anti-liberal idea was keeping a database of innocent people’s DNA! Until now, everyone who’s arrested has had a sample of DNA taken. Under government rules, this is kept by the coppers, even if the person is found innocent, for any length of time they want! Understandably there was uproar. What right have the Old Bill got to take genetic samples off you when you’ve committed no crime? Thankfully, the ministers have backed down. They’re now proposing time limits on how long the DNA can be kept before being disposed of. It’s a step in the right direction. But they should be going further and not keeping samples from any innocent folk at all. Sadly, I doubt a change of government will change the policy. The last government to introduce detention without trial was led by none other than a certain Conservative called Margaret Thatcher!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">OUR beloved Prime Minister, “Flash Gordon” Brown, was making noises about the environment again this week. It’s not surprising. Some days ago Greenpeace camped on Parliament’s roof after daringly scaling the perimeter fence. These green warriors want action, they believe Ministers are being crap about not taking proper environmental measures. The campaigners sat up there for hours, shivering their nuts off, to get people to notice. It sort of worked — after all, I’m writing about it, and the photos were good too. And Gordy does seem to have got up and done something about it now. But consider this. The “Authorities” spend millions on security at Parliament. But these eco-protesters still got in. Maybe all you need to invade the Palace of Westminster is recycled trousers and a good cause.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-53771888603287690752009-10-17T08:16:00.000-07:002009-10-17T08:17:46.739-07:00Funny peace of thinking!<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THIS was the week that the winner of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize was announced. It’s awarded to the person who’s made the world’s biggest contribution to peace and human rights over the past year. Previous winners include Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama and Burmese democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi. Sometimes it goes to organisations like Amnesty International and the Red Cross. So it’s a big deal. If you were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, you’d certainly be swinging it around in everyone’s face in the pub that evening. But surprisingly, this year’s winner was US President Barack Obama. Now, I’m a big fan of Mr O –– he’s certainly a trillion times better than his dopey predecessor George Bush. But has Obama really done enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize after less than a year at the White House? Even the man himself said he doesn’t really deserve it!The Nobel Committee said they gave it to Obama to encourage him in his quest for peace. But I’m not sure that’s right. It’s like giving a drama student an Oscar to encourage them in their acting career. The decision is even more dubious when you look at the other nominees. People like Morgan Tsvangarai (Zimbabwe’s democracy leader), Sima Samar (who does women’s rights in Afghanistan) and Denis Mukwege (who helps victims of conflict in the Congo) have literally risked their lives every day for years on end –– just to help others. Obama will do things that deserve a Nobel Peace Prize –– but he hasn’t done them yet.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ON Wednesday, the Prime Minister committed yet more troops to Afghanistan. In my view, and this paper’s view, that’s the wrong policy. But he also commemorated the 37 soldiers killed over the summer. So it was fitting that last Tuesday we had a reception for military service people in the swanky apartment where the Speaker of the House lives—a posh flat with champagne and a fourposter bed. I can report that I met some of the finest military personnel I’ve ever come across in my 24 years in politics. Heading the hall of fame were Leading Medical Assistant Paul Davies, and his colleague Gareth, plus Lieutenant Sharon Fraser Smith from the Queen Alexandra’s Royal Naval Nursing Service. These people are skilled, committed and brave. They literally save lives — putting people back together after they’ve been injured in the fierce fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. What I didn’t realise is they also care for wounded enemy fighters too — or, as they call them “detainees”. I asked smartly uniformed and charming Sharon — who, I must admit, was rather on the fit side — if she was ever scared out there. “Yes, sometimes, but you just have to put it aside,” she said. “My team depends on me so I can’t let myself feel scared.” Once, while watching telly, the insurgents started mortar bombing them. Her response was to turn up the TV volume! I was proud to meet Sharon, Paul and Gareth. They’re a credit to our military and our country. Oh, and I hope you got back to Plymouth OK – and that they sell aspirin on the train.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WELL, everyone’s back in Parliament again. And the week started with a classic example of all that’s stupidest in parliamentary policy making. Basically, Ministers hate smoking so much they’ve decided they won’t let newsagents even display cigarettes on the back wall of their shops. It will be law to hide fags under the counter. Well, how’s this going to help anybody? The evidence suggests to me it’ll do almost nothing to stop adults or kids from smoking.Do ministers imagine kids see all the nice packets on the back wall and say to the shopkeeper: “Oooh, I’ve decided to become addicted to fags. Twenty B&H please, mister.” It’s rubbish. It’ll cost shopkeepers loads of money and turn buying cigs into some sort of weirdly embarrassing activity like buying porn and condoms. I voted against it but I voted in vain. There’s still a chance the new rules won’t get put into action. But for now, it looks like common sense has gone up in smoke.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE was a stir in Cornwall this week when anti-student graffiti appeared. Apparently, it was scrawled by a group called the Cornish Republican Army who want Cornwall to be independent from England and don’t like new flats being given to students, instead of local folk. No one knows if the Cornish Republican Army — or CRA — has any real support, or even exists! Some claim CRA members get training and funds from other terrorist groups, others reckon it’s just a clever hoax and their boss might as well be the Loch Ness monster. I’m not keen on Cornish independence — it would make scrumpy cider a foreign beverage. And it would mean Sport stunna Marlena Lewis from Cornwall would need a passport to get her Cornish pasties into this paper!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-77241669846935403222009-10-13T04:29:00.000-07:002009-10-13T04:30:12.325-07:00One and the same<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THE Lib Dems blustered in Bournemouth, Labour blathered in Birmingham, and this week the Tories were mincing in Manchester. Our right-wing revivalists had their chance to put forward a clear, distinctive, unconfusing message. But DID the Tory Party — which wants to ban 24-hour drinking—lead by example? Take a wild guess! Despite likeable senior Tory Eric Pickles optimistically trying to ban champagne at the conference, various big players like MP Alan Duncan were necking the bubbly anyway. So what? Who cares if they drink beer or champagne? I’m more worried about the fact that if they DO get into government, it looks like they won’t be very different to the Labour government they want to replace. For instance, they agree with Labour’s decision to freeze the pay of public-sector workers. On Tuesday, George “Ozzy” Osborne announced that all public workers — apart from those on the lowest salaries and our boys on the frontline in Afghanistan—will have their pay frozen. Lovely! And they’re going to increase the retirement age — just like Labour. They also aim to get tough on crime, apparently by letting people stick pictures of criminals on lamp posts. But how about this — they’ll cut incapacity benefit for 500,000 people, even though the Tories used that same benefit to get people off the unemployment figures when THEY were in power!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div align="center"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>Amazing</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">In an amazing attempt to look like they’re “one of us,” Georgey Boy declared “We’re all in this together!” Yeah, right mate. When’s the last time people like the Tory front bench stood in dole queues, or ran market stalls in East London? Back in 1983, the real Ozzy Osbourne released a rabblerousing song entitled You’re no Different. I suppose it’s pop history repeating itself. Tory Shadow Chancellor George “Ozzy” Osborne did prove the Tories ARE no different —from Labour!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>TORY CONFERENCE IS A BIT WEIRD THERE’S</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE’S always interesting stuff going on in the background at a party conference. Having attended the Tory one in the past, I can privately reveal that their’s is, er, “odder” than the others. For example, Conservative baby clothes were the top- selling item in the conference shop. Why? Do they have a campaign plan of “breeding for victory?” Then a 15-year-old called Annabelle demanded that the Prime Minister “apologise”. Hmm . . . an attack against Labour by a Conservative who was three when her party was last in charge. She must have been a very mature toddler to remember the old days well enough to make a comparison. My mate Boris Johnson did redeem things a bit. He has a habit of putting his foot in it “up north.” On arriving in Manchester he said it is “one of the great British cities I have yet to offend!” It was a great line.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">FOR all the bravado, there’s one statistic the Tory-loving journos don’t seem too keen to point out. If they’re going to put Shiny Dave in Downing Street, the Conservatives will have to gain a whopping 117 seats from other parties. That would be the biggest swing since 1931! Like I said last week, Labour won’t go down without a fight. The Tories are ahead at the moment but it’s far from over. A week is a long time in politics and it’s still 34 weeks until a General Election must be called. Tory campaigners may be happy right now, but come May 2010 they might just feel like they celebrated too soon. Perhaps this calls for unusual tactics. If a Daily Sport stunna like Linda Dee came out supporting a party, they could be very influential. Come on Linda, your assets could swing the nation!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">I AM delighted to see the Daily Sport taking a courageous and honest stand against the unwinnable and hopelessly expensive war in Afghanistan. The only WAY OUT is to PULL OUT. Then we can start talks with the other side and find a better way to sort out the mess. In hundreds of years, nobody’s ever beaten the Afghans on their home turf. It’s an away match the British and Americans cannot win — not least because, when they were our friends, we actually trained the enemy we’re now trying to defeat! So a gold star to the Sport for having the vision to call for troop withdrawal. I only hope other newspapers will have the sense to follow this paper’s lead. Any other plan is a strategy for failure, and a death warrant for even more of our brave soldiers.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ONCE again, our Friends in Europe have been getting stroppy over farming matters. The Belgians—who are better knownf or their chocolate and their national mascot (a urinating boy) —have been protesting about milk. On Tuesday a bunch of angry dairy farmers, hacked off at a dramatic fall in milk prices, took to the streets of Brussels. They blocked roads with their tractors, released chickens, dumped farmyard crap everywhere and drove a load of cows down the street. It caused total chaos and the police were deployed to keep order. At this point one talented farmer led his cow forward and managed to spray the baffled bobbies with milk straight out of its udders! That’s got to be the best ever example of “milking the situation”.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-1553308078572661102009-10-09T13:17:00.000-07:002009-10-09T13:18:03.292-07:00Water way to make a point<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">THERE was yet another protest outside my Westminster Parliamentary office window last Wednesday. One minute it was just the normal mix of tourists, joggers and bored-looking coppers. Next thing, hundreds of people were running on to Westminster Bridge and forming a human barrier. This week's demo was by the Tamils from the Elam region of Sri Lanka. For years they've been getting shirty about how badly the Sri Lankan government treats them. They even set up the 'Tamil Tigers', a rebel group fighting the Sri Lankan government. Recently, the military over there started a big push to destroy the Tigers once and for all. Unfortunately, they killed a lot of innocent Tamil people too. That wasn't good for peace and reconciliation, and the whole thing's now a big, violent mess.<br />So that's why they were out demonstrating. They want the British government to intervene. Some of the protesters got so riled they threw themselves off the bridge into the Thames. What an odd way to make a point. People took photographs of the floating fellows, probably missing the point of the demo and thinking it was something set up for tourists. What happens next with this Tamil business is anyone's guess. But the protesters aren't the only people who are all at sea on this one.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">EVER heard of Muntadar al-Zaidi? You may not know his name but you'll know what he did. He's the plucky Iraqi journalist who lobbed his shoes at George Bush last December. Muntadar was hacked off with how bumbling Bush had messed up Iraq. So he chucked his shoes-a big insult in Arab culture-at the outgoing President during a press conference. Bush managed to duck but Muntadar's stunt earned him three years porridge in an Iraqi slammer. However the good news this week was that a court of appeal decided he was generally a decent bloke and had never been in trouble with the fuzz before. So they cut his sentence to just 12 months. A year in Baghdad's lock-up can't be a bundle of laughs-but it's certainly better than three. And considering that six out of 10 Iraqis see him as a hero, Mr al-Zaidi is in for a warm welcome when he gets out. Perhaps he'll even get an advertising deal with Doc Martens. </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">PORN seems to have become a bit of a theme in the Home Office over the last couple of weeks. First, there was Jacqui Smith's other arf claiming expenses for adult flicks. Now there are more red faces over a dodgy website link. It all started with a page about, 'Security and Counter-terrorism'. The page linked to a body called the Technical Advisory Board unfortunately they'd changed their website without telling the techies at the Home Office. Then the old website address had been bought up by a Japanese porno site! A chap trying to find out about security regulations stumbled across the lusty Japanese babes and quickly phoned the BBC. They called up the Home Office to point out their saucy site to officials. It just goes to show that the police aren't the only ones seeing blue at the Porn Office. I bet the Home Secretary has had enough of all this. She'll be laying down the law in her department-I suppose you could call it the Porn Ultimatum.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WHAT’S your view on fox hunting? I ask because the whole subject’s just about to be dropped right back into the centre of the political agenda. Tory chief David Cameron said this week that if he becomes the Prime Minister he’ll bring it back. “WHAT!?” I hear readers scream. “How very dare you?!” Well, hold on a moment. Now, I’m not here to talk up the Tories, but it’s not as horrible as some people may have you believe. Consider this: The fox hunting ban was supposed to reduce animal suffering in the countryside. But actually, the facts I’ve seen show it’s done no good for animal welfare at all. More foxes are now being shot, snared and wounded than before the ban, all perfectly legally. Hunting, on the other hand, uses dogs which either catch and kill the fox pretty quickly, or the fox escapes unharmed. There’s no wounding because it’s an “all or nothing” kind of thing. I asked the pro-ban lobby why they’re so keen on banning the one method which never wounds a fox in favour of methods which do. So far, they haven’t been able to give a single sensible answer to this simple sensible question. Oh, and here’s another thing. The Hunting Act applies to ANYONEwith a dog. So if your little Pekinese poochie kills a mouse, technically you could be arrested and tried for breaking the law. If we care about animal suffering, we’ve simply got to can the ban.</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6891530583827112813.post-23204171259717892822009-10-09T13:16:00.000-07:002009-10-09T13:17:11.103-07:00It ain't all fun at the seaside<div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">OK chaps, now listen up. Do you get excited about political party conferences? In my never ending mission to reveal the wonderful world of politics, here’s a quick round up of what went on when the lovely Lib Dems descended on Bournemouth Conference Centre to save the world. Team Opik was there…</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>TRAINS</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">DO you think our rail service is crap? I do. And it’s expensive too. That’s why I helped my chum, Linda “Wacko” Jack try to convince the 2,500 conference delegates to make renationalisation of the railways a Lib Dem party policy. Wacko Jacko reckons the trains and tracks should be owned by the country – not by the private companies who have us paying silly money to stand around waiting on platforms, listening to some robot announcer apologise for signal failures, broken down trains and leaves on the line. That’s why Jacko and I were campaigning for re-nationalisation. At the last minute, the final speaker managed to turn the debate around and the delegates voted by a narrow margin NOT to take up our idea. Never mind. At least we gave it a good whirl. Sadly, it means that we’ll carry on getting fleeced for a ticketing fortune, while waiting for the delayed train to wherever. It’s the greatest train robbery since Ronnie Biggs.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>GOING NUCLEAR</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">ON Tuesday, there was a long argument about whether nuclear power is a good or bad thing. As the oil runs out and coal continues to mess up the planet, I can’t see how we’ll keep the lights from going out without nuclear. But others disagree. They believe wind farms, solar power and all the other renewables will meet our needs— even though it would probably take a solar panel the size of Wales just to keep our TVs on! It always amazes me how many different points of view there can be in one party, evenwhen the evidence seems (to me) clear cut. In the end the Lib Dems voted to remain opposed to nuclear. Fair enough, you’ve got to listen to the party members. But if we DO have an energy shortage as a result, I just hope the anti-nukes will have the decency to take to their exercise bikes, connect them up to the national grid, and start pedalling.</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>ON THE FRINGE</strong></span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">OUTSIDE the main debates, it’s a circus of activity. Two-hundred groups ranging from the National Farmers Union to the Friends of Pakistan hosted their own discussions, events and meetings. I spent a good chunk of the conference at these fringe events, talking about issues like HIV testing and the problems of the fox hunting ban. Then there were the meetings with groups like the Motor Neurone Disease Association to check out how I can help their work. But it’s not all blabber and jabber. The good folks at the Entertainment Leisure and Software Publishers Association brought along a Nintendo Wii for MPs to have a go on. I managed to “jump” 133 metres on their virtual ski slope, which, apparently, was quite good. Meanwhile, the RSPCA hosted an excellent curry night. Although I’ve had my differences with them as an organisation, they’re nice people and serve up a great cruelty free korma! I think that, next year, the Daily Sport should have a fringe meeting to promote the Sporting way of life. If it was attended by the gorgeous Cassie Truman , some activists would go mental and say it’s terrible—but I bet the meeting would be packed!</span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;"><strong>AFTER HOURS</strong> </span></div> <div><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Franklin Gothic Medium;">WANT to hear about what goes on at conference “after hours”. Well after a hard day’s work we had a lot of fun! I reckon that the best teams in any walk of life are the ones that get on at a personal level so a bit of socialising goes a long way. And, before you ask, NONE of the conference partying was subsidised by the taxpayer. The day’s work generally wrapped up around 10pm and then folk started heading to the bars. There’s a lot of general merrymaking—in fact, I hear that Lib Dems consume more units of booze at our conference than any other party! I’m not sure if that’s quite true but if so it just goes to show our dedicated support for the beer industry. A few delegates jumped in the sea in their clothes, arriving back in the bar covered in sand and looking like the Creature From The Black Lagoon. Others “found romance”. Others took partying to an obsessive extreme. I observed two merrymakers finishing their lagers…as people came down for breakfast. Overall, the Lib Dems conference went reasonably well, with no knockout blows for or against it. Next week it’s Labour – I’ll give you a full report on Friday. Don’t miss it, mateys!</span></div>James Graham (Quaequam Blog!)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00319089107820032874noreply@blogger.com0