Monday, 23 March 2009

MPs' youth ban shame

ARE you a “youth?” If so,watch out, ’cos a bunch of MPs don’t want you anywhere near the House of Commons. Twelve years ago, together with the late Andrew Rowe MP, I was one of two MPs trying to set up the UK Youth Parliament. We won the right for Britain’s youth to have a real voice. Last Monday there was a vote on whether to let the Youth Parliament use the Commons. Amazingly, it was opposed by small group of Parliamentarians determined to keep out anyone at risk of still being young!
What’s their problem? Do they also want to replace all the electric lights with candles, reintroduce horsedrawn taxis and flogging, and ban women?. . . We go on about getting young people involved in politics, then a small rump of MPs acts as if allowing “youths into the Commons” is like letting an underage al-Qaeda storm Westminster. The fogies were defeated by 205 to 16. So well done to the 205. But a word to the silly 16; don’t read the Daily Sport, it’s full of young people!
Cost of Gordon’s gin won’t soar
THERE’s been a refreshing outbreak of common sense over alcohol. In a bid to save us from ourselves, top doc Sir Liam Donaldson proposed a minimum price for booze to cut binge drinking. All eyes were on Gordon Brown. Would he agree? “No,” said a source close to the Prime Minister. He must reckon the plans about as useful as a porcupine in a condom factory. Credit to him. It means Gordon’s Gin won’t cost you more under Gordon Brown. Sticking a few pence on getting hammered won’t deter hardened drinkers. Drinking is about attitudes so I suggest an advertising campaign starring Daily Sport babes. It could feature my friend Lucinda warning: “If you’re out chugging, I’m not hugging.” That might sober up the male population!
Government show a lack of learning
EVER fancied going to university? If so, welcome to the world of financial pain. It’s becoming very costly to get some wisdom down your neck. Colleges can already charge you up to £3,500 per year. But this limit might be lifted so scholars might be shelling out £7,000 or more. But hold on! The economy’s going down the pan because no-one has any money. So making students—or anyone else—even more broke ain’t going to help. For a start, the kebab and beer industries will go under, followed quickly by a whole string of chippies, off-licences and book stores. So if these proposals go through we’ll have broke students, bankrupt shops and a downsizing of the kebab market. Good luck to the students who are fighting the increased charges. And as for the government – wise up. If you think charging more for learning is smart thinking, you’ve just FAILED in the University of Life.
IT’S all kicked off in Madagascar. The people are really poor – not poor like they can’t afford Sky Plus, I mean poor like they can’t afford food. Most live on less than a quid a day. That’s why a DJ called Mr Rajoelina has decided he could do a better job than the president, Mr Ravalomanana. This week he and a group of soldiers marched into Mr Ravalomanana’s palace! It’s like Chris Moyles saying “Enough of this credit crunch” and invading Downing Street with Jonathan Ross, JK, and Fatboy Slim. Mr Ravalomanana has offered to face elections when his term is up but there is the spectre of a televised disco play-off—the winner being the one still standing after a danceathon.

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