Sorry dont bank on it!

SORRY?DON’T BANK ON IT!

FOUR bankers (I said bankers!) were in Parliament this week to answer questions about the economic hash-up we’re in. And for possibly the first time in history a money man said “sorry”! Unfortunately it didn’t last long and the “sorry” was quickly followed by “but it wasn’t really our fault. . .” The big bosses were in Parliament to chat with the Treasury Select Committee (a big panel ofMPswho used to think they knew all about money) to answer some tough questions. They started off pretty well, Lord Stevenson who used to be the chief of Halifax Bank of Scotland, said “We are profoundly and I think unreservedly sorry at the turn of events.” But then it all started to go wrong. The fat cats tried to justify all their blunders and pass the buck. Even worse, they tried to defend the honking great bonuses that they’re still giving themselves while everyone else struggles to pay the rent. Tripe So we’ve got a half baked apology, no money and the people responsible already booking their summer holidays. They SHOULD be working in a chain gang building an extra lane for the M6, eating tripe and onions and singing “sorry
seems to be the hardest

PUTIN ON A SHOW

A MINOR scandal occurred in the Kremlin this week when it emerged that Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin paid an Abba Tribute band twenty thousand quid to perform a private gig for him and his mates. Now, I’m no stranger to the world of pop music but I never thought I’d be in the same camp as one of the world’s three most powerful men. When I learned the The ex- KGB hardman danced while the band Bjorn Again thrashed out Mamma Mia and Super Trouper I realised I had been upstaged. So how about a big Abba tribute gig at the United Nations? Maybe everyone would stop fighting and shouting at each other to have a dance –– or maybe it would be their Waterloo.

Get behind Morgan

A NICE man by name of Morgan Tsvangirai became Zimbabwe’s Prime Minister this week. Sadly, the country’s top job –– President –– is still held by Robert Mugabe who is cocking up the country more by the day. Mister Tsvangirai runs a party called The Movement for Democratic Change, and wants to sort the Zimbabwean people out with freedom and clean water. He stood against Mugabe for President last year. Unfortunately, although most people supported Our Man Morgan, Bad Man Mugabe won the vote by the unconventional (though sadly effective) election technique of shooting people who disagreed with him. Everyone around the world got very upset by this so Mugabe, in an effort to pretend he is a “decent” sort of person, let Tsvangirai be PM to try and calm things down. Zimbabwe is in really a bad way and needs a LOT of help. For example – you think our economy’s a mess? Not compared to Zimbabwe. Mugabe has hashed up the Zimbabwean system so badly a cup of rice costs costs over 30 TRILLION Zimbabwean Dollars! And while a lot of UK citizens might get cloudy tap water, Zimbabwe’s water is full of cholera and loads of people are dying from it. Hopefully Morgan Tsvangirai can help the poor people but the world needs to get behind him. The big governments need to make sure Mugabe doesn’t stop Morgan sorting
out the country.

GEORGE’S DEATH IS TECHNICAL ERROR

HE’S political history but everyone knows George Bush is still alive and kicking in Texas. Well, everyone except viewers of South African channel ETV News who were confused by an unplanned exclusive this week. The channel were testing out their “scrolling news bar” at the bottom of the screen by using the words, “George Bush is dead”. Unfortunately they “accidentally” put it on the live broadcast. It’s not the only such cock up recently… the scrolly bar on Fox News recently compared Barak Obama’s state tour to “Abraham Lincoln’s Historic 1961 journey” despite the fact that Uncle Abe snuffed it in 1865. And in 2005 the Sky News reader announced that playwright and actor Harold Pinter had died… when he’d just won the Nobel Prize for Literature.
Oops.